Bit Chewy
by Oreichalcos
Summary: “Ryuk, can you eat an apple without biting it?” That was the question asked by Yagami Raito. A strange one, as the boy usually didn’t care about Ryuk’s eating habits. Obviously, he was up to no good. One-shot. T for minor swearing and a 9/11-esque scene.


**Bit Chewy**

**Yeah, I should be writing chapter 2 of my main fic, but I'm bored. Besides, school's starting soon. ****sigh**** Oh well. Let's write a fic!**

**Disclaimer: I. Own. NOTHING!! ****(Except for this.**** Don't be stealing it.) **

"Ryuk, can you eat an apple without biting it?"

That was the question asked by Yagami Raito. A strange one, considering that he usually didn't care about Ryuk's eating habits. Obviously, he was up to no good.

"Yes, I can", replied Ryuk timidly. "Because we Shinigami do not require stomachs, we also don't need to chew before digesting." He wondered what Raito was planning. It usually wasn't good. So it came as a surprise when he was presented with 10 of the rosiest, juiciest-looking apples a god of death had ever laid eyes upon.

"Eat. The only condition is that you must prove your claim. You must swallow at least 5 of those apples without biting."

The Shinigami almost cried. There's no point in eating without biting. You don't get to taste the fruit at all that way! Bad enough that these humans already put a layer of wax on the heavenly fruit. To Ryuk's tongue, it tasted like a meatball layered with earwax would taste to a human one. Still, they were apples. He grabbed one and swallowed it whole. To his surprise, these were organic apples. Much better tasting and no wax. Eating these without tasting them was incredible torture.

Why must Raito be so evil?

Still, Ryuk persevered. He sucked down 5 random apples, secretly holding 2 of them in a small cavity near his throat for future enjoyment. He then grabbed the other 5 and proceeded to savour them. If he wasn't such a glutton, he would've noticed Raito's grin of triumph. Now, for phase 2...

* * *

"I don't know what this is all about, but you better have the apples!" Ryuk grumbled. He then floated up into the task force building. Why did Raito want him to do this? He already said that he wouldn't spy for him.

Raito hoped the marker he had placed in the computer mainframe was still there. Sure enough, he saw an arm sticking out of the building, giving him a brief thumbs-up before rushing away. He looked at his watch. 5 seconds off schedule. Still, he had faith that the death god would get there on time. There was nothing he could do. He swiftly ran away before counting the last few seconds.

"Nii, Ich, Rei!"

At the count of zero, he heard a giant explosion coming from the building. Although he couldn't see it, he knew the plastic explosives he had planted in Ryuk had gone off. The shockwave hit the planted explosives he had previously hidden in the building and subsequently demolished the headquarters. He hoped that Ryuzaki was caught in the blast. He knew that everyone else was either at home or off doing stuff elsewhere. Even if no lives were taken, he had dealt a serious blow to the investigation.

* * *

"You could have warned me first!" yelled an irritated Ryuk.

"What? You weren't hurt. You probably didn't even feel it." replied the level-headed murderer.

"That's beside the point! I almost died of shock. And you vaporized all the apples I ate!"

"Darn."

Ryuk almost thought the first Kira felt remorse for the apples. Then he noticed that he was looking at L, who had just exited a limousine. Pretending that he was scared and shaken, Raito ran out of the alley he was currently standing in. "Ryuzaki! What happened?" the killer asked.

"I am not completely sure. It seems that Kira has blown up my headquarters. This will set back our investigation by approximately 1 week."

"Only 1 week?" both Ryuk and Raito said, shocked.

"Maybe less time, if all goes to plan" the detective said. "Honestly, I thought you would be happier. Almost 4/5ths of the information stored in the building was backed up in 2 other locations only I know about. I also believe that 11.5 of the information destroyed could be salvaged, and I can mentally supply quite a bit of the information on the investigation. So this is really only a minor setback. The cleanup and media is going to take up most of the time." L stared at his adversary for a few seconds with a puzzled look. He looked like he was disappointed. "Up to 7" he thought, walking away.

* * *

"A one-week delay?" Raito said, stunned.

"Shut up!" Ryuk yelled. "You turned me into a bomb!"

"Hey, you willingly ate the bombs. Only 2 of those apples were plastic explosive. You could have rejected the apples."

"...asshole. I thought one of those first 5 tasted a bit chewy."

* * *

**So, what do you think? I wanted it to be serious, but it turned into a technically humorous story. Personally, I think it seems like something Raito would have tried, if he had the resources and opportunity. ****It didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but I still like it. So, what did you think? ****Please revi****ew and check out my other stuff, if you want. See you later!**


End file.
